In this day and age, it has become harder and harder to find the right person. Helping you navigate the changing dating landscapes by bringing it back to traditional matchmaking are matchmakers, Liz Murad Waters and Linda Kassimir of The2ndDate.com. Together, they share what people are usually looking for in a partner and explain why the people you want might not be the people you need. Liz and Linda then further share their expertise by giving out dating tips that will get you to that second date!
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Looking for love? Matchmakers are Making a Comeback!
Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Find Me A Match…..
This episode is all about how to find love. Dating, it’s a worldwide phenomenon. Dani, tell us who we’re talking to.
We have people on the show. I’m excited to have on. There’s a personal connection here because I was once introduced to these lovely ladies to help me find a little bit of love in LA. Please welcome to the show, from The2nd.com, amazing matchmakers, Liz and Linda. Dating in LA is phenomenal. Dating around the world has changed over the last however many years due to online dating. Let’s start off with what is a matchmaker and what do you do?
What we do is we try to match people that a lot of times that don’t want to go online. They don’t want to put their profile out there, they’re sick of online dating, and they want to make a real love connection, not only a hookup. We try to find like-minded people and introduce them. We do that by taking the time to get to know our clients. We do a thorough interview with every man and every woman. When we feel that we have a good match, we will set them up on a date.
Do the interviews in person or online?
We do all of the interviews in person.
Do you ever meet anyone and think, “They are never going to meet anyone, they’re never going to be right for anyone?” What a nightmare.
We definitely do and we do not accept everyone to be a client.
Is it more the men or the women that you think that about?
It’s both. We have women that are picky and they don’t stop to think about, “I’m however year old.” They don’t stop to think about what they bring to the table and they might not be the most attractive person for a wide range of men.
What are the top things that you hear all the time where you go, “They would make an amazing match,” or, “It’s never going to happen for those two?” What are the top three positives and the top three negatives when you’re interviewing a candidate?
For negatives, if they want somebody much younger.
Is it usually men that ask for younger women? Is it women asking for younger men?
We have both. It’s mostly the men. We have met men that may be in their 50s, but they want kids, so they want women in their 30s. That can be challenging.
How about women who are clearly gold diggers looking for a rich man?
We don’t accept those.
We try to asses that out quickly.
That must be quite apparent.
Sometimes they might even say so, “I want someone who makes a lot of money so I don’t have to.”
You’ve got to accept that that’s what they want. They might get that through you.
That’s not about love. We’re about making a love connection.
This episode is about love, not about gold-digging.
We see in LA all the time, it’s the norm here. You see a guy in 50s, 60s, 70s with a twenty-something year old. That might go back to the gold digger thing. Anywhere else in the world it would be frowned upon and it’s a rarity. Here, it’s extremely common. I always say to my older friends that would younger women, “What is the life reference here? How do you even have a conversation? They might be a great person, they might be a smart person, but where is the life referencing?” Ultimately that’s what makes you compatible.
What’s funny about this is, a lot of men in their 50s and 60s, they want to admit that they’re getting older. These younger women validate that they’re much younger than they are.
Another thing that we hear from a lot of people is, “I’m 50 but I don’t look my age. I don’t act my age. I’m a lot younger. That’s why I need a younger person.” We hear that from men and from women. We do happen to have clients that are in great shape and they’re active and we say to them, “We have women that might be your age, but they also look younger, act younger and are in great shape.”
People are taking care of themselves better than they’ve ever done before. You’ve got Botox, which has taken years of people. The majority of people, especially in LA where we are in a vain town. Most people do take care of themselves, especially when you’re single. You have to because you all competing with twenty-year-olds. When people say that is age relevant anymore or not because of that?
One thing that has happened that’s interesting is, sometimes we have set people up where the woman is out of the man’s age range that he has told us he wanted. We haven’t told him how old she is. He goes in having no idea and he’ll think she’s ten years younger than she is.
What we’ve also learned is that a lot of people, don’t know what’s good for them. The two of us, after we meet with somebody, we have a full discussion and we’d say, “That person would be a good father, but he says he doesn’t want kids.”
We learn that we are correct.
Do you give tips and tricks for the date?
We definitely give tips and the other thing we do is we follow up with both people after the date. Whatever feedback we get, we’ll share so it will help the person on their next date. For example, we have one woman that we’ve had several of her dates like her on the first date, but by the second and third date, they find her to be a little bit needy. She doesn’t know why things aren’t working out after the third date.
What do you mean by needy? What is she doing?
She’s a little more mothering. She’s like, “Where are you? I’m worried about you.” She kind of acts like their mother. It’s a little strange.
Unless you into that sort of thing, I suppose
They’re like, “She’s beautiful. She’s so this. I’m in love.” On the first date and she becomes motherly, which is not good. We talk to her. It’s nice because we see great outcomes and we say it in a nice way.
Talking about outcomes, what’s your success rate?
We have a couple that got engaged and it was back to what Linda was saying before. It’s a great story because we were introduced to a great man who was in his 50s and hadn’t been married and didn’t have kids. He felt like he was too old for kids and he felt like he wanted to be able to travel. We listened to him and set him up with a lot of amazing women without kids or with older kids and there wasn’t a connection. We always knew, in the back of our heads that we had one client that we felt would be great for him, but she wanted to have a child. We ended up setting them up. She, at the time, had a surrogate that was pregnant with her child that she was having her own. They hit it off from the beginning and he’s been there from the day that her son was born. He drove them home from the hospital.
He proposed to her with baby blocks saying, “Will you marry me?”
I love this man. He sounds amazing.
That shows you that men can be convinced. You almost have to tell people what’s good for them. Which goes back to that people come in with a story in their head that they’ve been telling themselves for so long, “I don’t want this. I don’t want that. I wouldn’t be good at this.” It’s almost for you to break down those stories in their minds and give them something they didn’t know they even wanted.
Now, he can’t imagine not being a father.Sometimes, it's hard to meet a quality person because you're swiping left and right. Click To Tweet
The interesting thing is, he called us after their third date because this woman had told him that she was pregnant with a surrogate. He was like, “How am I going to do this? I’m not supposed to be a father”. We must have put hours and hours of long conversations saying, “You are meant to be a father. You are the best.”
What was it that convinced him? What was it that you said that made him be open?
We also told him, “You don’t need to decide today that you don’t want to be a father. If you like this woman, continue to pursue her and get to know her and see what happens. If it doesn’t work out, she’s she’ll be okay.”
She was on this path already. She’s having the baby whether you’re in the picture or out.
That alleviated his fears a little bit, knowing he could take the pressure off and then see what happens.
How do you learn what to say to people? How you have all of these skills? Is it through personal experience? Is it something built in you? How do you know?
It’s innate in both of us. We love people. We love making matches and following through, seeing people be happy and in love. Especially during these times, nothing makes us happier. We decided that we love making matches so much that we are no longer going to charge people. The only thing we are going to do is have them take a background check with our detective. We know in our heart of hearts, even though we trust our heart of hearts, that they have a good clean background check.
Is this philanthropy a new way of doing it? Do you feel this is your way of giving back? Is that why?
We don’t think of it as giving back. We think of it as something that we enjoy doing and it makes us happy making other people happy.
If you’re not charging people, then it’s not a business. It’s something you guys love to do.
It is something we love to do.
Did you guys do this while you were in college? Is that’s how you guys met?
No. We’re cousins by marriage. Linda’s been doing it.
I always wanted to be a matchmaker.
When did you think of that? Where does that come from?
I remember when I was twelve years old, I had a cute tennis teacher, but I was twelve. I said, “I’d love to fix him up with someone.” I ended up fixing him up with my older sister. They went out for a long time. It’s natural. I don’t even think about what I’m doing. I choose to do it because it’s second nature.
Have you match made many of your friends?
I will meet someone on the street with Liz and I will say, “You’re sad, but we’re going to make you happy. We’re going to fix you up with a great guy and find your one and only.”
If you’re walking down the street and you see someone sad, do you have a good light radar then he or she might be single?
It’s funny because I was walking where I lived one day and I saw somebody. I said to her, “You look sad.” She said, “You’re an empath,” and I was like, “I don’t know what an empath is, but thank you.” Ultimately, that’s what we both like to do is to make people happy.
I’m married to my lovely wife, Alyssa. Do you do matchmaking for gay couples, straight couples or any couples?
We have been asked many times. We would love to do any couples. Love is love. We haven’t, only because we don’t have enough people in our database.
Tara, send them some lovely gay friends.
We’d be happy to.
I’ve got a lot of gay friends. I’m going to send you away.
It will help start The 2nd Date gay part.
Talking about gay, straight, whatever, but there are so many different websites, like Raya which pretends to be a bit more exclusive and Tinder which is definitely not exclusive.
Thimble, Match, there are millions.
You clearly do something much more personal. Now that you’re being philanthropic about it, it’s taking on a whole new lease of life. Do you have a lot of people who come to you that have done all of those apps and failed?
What’s the general consensus?
How would you move them to the next part of that dating experience?
Most people come to us and say, “I don’t want to do the apps anymore. It’s a full-time job.” We say, “You’re in the right hands.” We do what we do and many people come with us and say, “I wish I found you girls years ago because you have made life so much easier on myself.” It makes us happy. People are tired of these apps.
Sometimes it’s hard to meet a quality person because you’re swiping left and right.
It’s more of a hookup, isn’t it?
I’m the only non-married person here. I can tell you from my personal experience, after a while, it’s mundane. It feels like swipe and swipe. It becomes a shopping experience, where it’s tiring and boring. Everyone says the same old nonsense in their profiles. Are they like that? They put pictures up that are 30 years old. Do they look like that? It’s a little bit disingenuous. More than that, because there are some probably lovely people, but it’s exhausting and extremely time-consuming.
People have asked us, “Can we please hire you, girls, to go online for us and swipe for me because you know what’s good.”
The other thing is, we don’t show pictures. Part of that is because some people take a great picture and some people take a bad picture. We want people to meet the actual person in person. Sometimes you’ll see something in someone that you don’t see in a picture.
That’s what I’ve liked about you. There’s a level of trust. If I’m trusting you guys with me, I’m trusting that you’ve told the gentleman to trust you.
You also know that you’re not turning up on a blind date with some weird serial killer.
They might be weird, but I don’t know about a serial killer.
To be honest with you, as a woman turning up and meeting some guy that you’ve met on an app, you are putting yourself in a vulnerable situation.
True. You could say that, but you can be a guy in a bar that you’ve met face to face could be a serial killer. What I say to my friends is, “Always be in a public place and don’t get a ride with them, for the first date at least until you’ve got a feel. Meet them there and go home when you like.
Have you had any horror stories like that?
We haven’t. We do a full background check with the detective. We still tell our clients the same thing, “Meet them there. Don’t get in the car with them until you get to know them.” There’s only so much we can do, but for us at least we’ve met them in person, had a long conversation with them in person, face to face, and they’ve done a background check.
When we’re talking to people all day, every day, do you get a feeling of someone’s a bit off? Do you get that red flag vibe?
Yes. It’s interesting because the two of us are together all the time when we’re interviewing people. We will look at each other right after someone leaves and we’ll say, “Something’s up. Let’s not accept him or her.” We both get the vibe.
Is it because they’re creepy, full of crap, or they’re not real? Was is it usually?
Sometimes we find them in lies. They contradict themselves.
You’re quite the detectives. What are the three biggest mistakes people make on a first date? Let’s help some readers out there who are single, who haven’t had much luck, whether it’s online dating or regular dating. Give them some advice about what they could do. Let’s start with the ladies, what can they do to get to the second date?
For a man, you have to have chemistry, first of all. They can’t do anything for that. A woman needs to be fit most of the time. Men in LA like women that are fit and in shape, not all of them, but most of the men like that.
In terms of how they act on a first date, asking questions and showing that they’re interested. We definitely had lots of feedback from men saying, “I didn’t think that she was interested because she didn’t ask any questions.” If it wasn’t for us saying, “No. She was interested.” He wouldn’t have asked her out on a second date.
Why do you think women wouldn’t ask any questions?
She probably loves talking about herself usually.
It’s the biggest turn off when someone only talks about themselves and doesn’t ask questions in return. It’s a big turn off.
It could either be that she’s more self-centered or sometimes they’re nervous. In that case, we do encourage. It happens both ways. Sometimes it’s with a man and he’s nervous and you don’t see the real personality sometimes until the second date.
I was always nervous on a first date. You’re trying to be the best part of yourself, so you’re not completely natural, even though you’re trying to be. You want to impress someone, but at the same time, you don’t want to talk too much. You don’t want to talk too little. You’re playing a game with yourself a lot of the time.Meet the actual person in person because sometimes, you'll see something in someone that you don't see in a picture. Click To Tweet
I never did any dating. It’s odd. I’ve had two proper relationships in my life, which were with women. Before that, I dated men until I was 32 and had one disastrous relationship with a man after another. I was definitely looking for boxes to tick rather than love. When I met my first female partner when I was 32 it was about love and not taking boxes.
We all come from, whether they’re families or culture, whatever it is, where we have this thing where we’re supposed to be with this type of person or our parents want us with that kind of person. If you come from parents, especially, we’re both Jewish, so we have Jewish mothers who definitely let their opinions and their feelings. You’ve grown up with almost a perspective that’s built-in of what your parents expect from you. You must see that a lot, especially with families with big on the culture, whether it’s Italian or Greek or Jewish. We’re opinionated.
It’s important is beyond time. Do not be late, people. Men seem to get upset about that. They’re saying, “She was 10 or 15 minutes late.”
It’s a bit entitled when people are like that.
If something comes up, text and explain. Don’t show up late without letting them know. Things happen, there’s traffic and whatever.
Do you have a top list of places where you send people in LA, favorite romantic restaurants or special things to do? What do you advise people within that area?
Normally we let the man choose the place that’s convenient for the woman. Let’s say she lives in Brentwood and he lives in West Hollywood. We’ll have him pick a place closer to Brentwood, so it’s more convenient for her. We’re always happy to offer suggestions, in any area if he’s not familiar with the area. We do try to go out and stay on top of some of the local restaurants. Sometimes we ask some of our women if they live somewhere that we’re not as familiar with. We’ll get suggestions from them on some of their favorite places to go on a date.
I got the red flag from the one guy you sent me out with. We won’t mention any names, but he lived in deep Malibu, Tara, and I live in town, in Beverly Hills. I thought, “It’s the first date. I don’t expect him to come all the way to me because it’s far. I hope he doesn’t expect me to go all the way to Malibu, especially rush hour on a weeknight.” We met halfway it was lower Malibu. I felt that was not a good sign. I felt like he could have made the effort for the first date and come a little bit closer to me.
We do encourage the men to come closer to the women.
Especially Malibu men because they get stuck in that little Malibu bubble and they never want to leave. My ex-husband’s from Malibu, so I know all about this. People that live in Malibu especially pass Cross Creek and Central Malibu, never want to leave Malibu. If you’re going to date a Malibu person, my advice is, live in Malibu. They only want to date Malibu people.
It’s their own bubble.
What advice can you give for people online or are going to be signing up The2ndDate.com? How should they come to the table? You mentioned be fit and healthy. That’s what men are. What else are men looking for these days?
It depends on the man.
Is that a running theme that you hear over and over with men and women?
We don’t hear a running theme other than everyone saying, “I want someone genuine. I want someone to share my life. Someone who’s funny.” Those are the typical things that most people say. A lot of it is chemistry when you meet somebody.
If there is no second date, some of the time it’s not even about you. It’s about the fact that there was no chemistry or connection, whether it be from you or the other or both.
I have to say that anyone that we have ever fixed up if it was not a physical love connection, they always have a good time because they have a lot in common. The conversation always flows and it’s great and they end up being friends.
You put in a lot of due diligence. You’ve done your work, which is so nice to hear compared to going on an app and swiping to the left or right. You’ve put the personal touch onto each person that you fixed with the other.
We want to be able to sleep at night knowing that we have the best clients with the best intentions and that is genuine. That makes us feel good.
We still get so excited when we know couples going on a date. We get excited to talk to them both the next day and find out how the date went.
I’m going to backtrack a little bit because you asked about what we do with The2ndDate. We have this guy that went out with this girl and they went out for a few times. He liked her a lot. She liked him a lot, but then she started to get cold feet. He called us up and he said, “She’s pulling back. What do you do?” We said, “Cancel the date that you have with her this weekend.” He said, “How could I do that? I can’t. I want to see her.” I said, “She’s going to pull back so you cancel it first.” He canceled it after he canceled it, she called him up and said, “Can we go out this weekend?”
You always want something you can’t have. There was a bit of gang playing still. As much as we all want to come in and not playing games. Is it the standard? Do you wait three days before you contact them? Do you still let the guy contact you first? Do you feel that still works? Those sorts of mental games.
Sometimes, but we definitely encourage the guys, “If you liked her and you had a good time, call her the next day and ask her out again.”
If you like them, first of all, text them that night and say, “Thank you. Have a nice evening.” If somebody is thinking of you, they’re texting you the next day.
Game playing is exhausting.
It’s also nice if the girl, if she had a good time she’d says, “Thank you so much for a wonderful evening.”
If you do your first female or lesbian couple, you’ll find there is no game playing. Women and women don’t play games. They get on with it.
They move in together quickly.
There’s the whole thing with the U-Haul turning up on date two.
How long have you been married?
Nearly 5.5 years, but we’ve been together for seven years.
Do you have kids?
Furry kids, not human kids. Two cats and a dog are our babies.
I don’t do animals. She doesn’t do kids. We’ve got all of it covered. That’s what we say. I the fact that you get the personal touch. Online dating is exhausting, trying and time-consuming. What would be your message before all the singles out there? What’s your message can you give everyone that’s starting to give up and feels like there’s no hope? What do I do? I’ve been on a date every week for the last however many months or years. What are your messages to people that are single and aren’t getting lucky?
Give us a call and we will find you someone wonderful.
Do you want to give out every Julio credentials to all our readers, so they know where to find you?
They can find this on our website, which is www.The2ndDate.com and they can contact us through our website.
For everybody reading, if you all single wound up looking for love, want some dating advice or want to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right, don’t hesitate to check out Linda and Liz at The2ndDate.com. You can always comment or direct message Tara and me on @LalalandedPodcast on Instagram and we can hook you up as well. It’s been so interesting to hear from you guys.
It has. Thank you you’re doing an amazing job.
Thank you. It’s nice talking to both of you.
Creating love in La La Land. Thank you, Liz and Linda.
It’s been a pleasure.
It’s our pleasure.
Thank you for joining us. Make sure to check out a LaLalanded.com for all future episodes from me and Tara. Thanks, everybody. See you next time.
- Looking for love?
- Matchmakers are making a comeback!
- @LalalandedPodcast – La La Landed’s Instagram page
About Linda Kassimir
I grew up on Long Island and graduated from the State University of New York, Albany in 1985. I worked in the advertising industry in various capacities until the birth of my eldest child in 1992. Our immediate family relocated from New York City to Southern California in 1997, but history, friends and family have kept us bicoastal.
I have been married to my husband Richard since 1990 and we have 3 children together, Alex, Shelly and Jack. My parents were married 59 years before my father passed away. Richard’s parents have been married 62 years and are still going strong. I believe in the institution of marriage and highly recommend that people truly commit to their relationships and tie the knot when they meet the right person.
When I graduated from college, my roommate said to me, “Linda, let’s become matchmakers.” She and I had successfully set up many couples during our college years. Since I knew that my parents expected me to get a “real” job, I ultimately declined. Fast forward 30 years and I am delighted to have the opportunity to continue my passion: helping people find their love for life while giving to charity. It’s what I love and what I do best – especially with Liz.
About Liz Waters
I was born and raised on the west side of Los Angeles. I attended Westlake School for Girls (before it became Harvard-Westlake), and then went on to study anthropology at Tulane University in New Orleans. While at Tulane, I became interested in pursuing a career in law and went on to study law at Southern Methodist University School of Law in Dallas. After passing the bar, I practiced law in Dallas for several years before opening up my own firm in Los Angeles. During those early years in practice, I met Andy, who I married in 2002. After the birth of our children, Lilly and Travis, I decided to stay home to be with our kids.
I have always loved “matching” people, whether for a job, a tennis partner, a housekeeper/nanny, or a friend, but my favorite, by far, was matching people for love.
About a year ago, the idea that this could actually be a business just clicked. Timing was right – both of my kids were in school all day, and I had the perfect partner, Linda!
Our goal is to help people find the love we have found and to marry the personal good of a true match with the social good of giving back, by donating a portion of our fee to charity.